What's on my mind…

In July of 2007 I moved from the city of brotherly love to the queen city. Since that was six months ago, I will back track using bullet points.

Here are some of my thoughts from the first few months:

1) “My what a clean city.” Seriously. After Ray Nagin, the mayor of New Orleans, visited Philadelphia in April of 2007 he told New Orleanians:

Let me tell you something: Ya’ll outa go to Philly, and you will appreciate how clean New Orleans is. Just go and walk around Philly a little bit, and you will appreciate – am I lying? You will appreciate New Orleans. We still have some work to do, but we definitely beat them by a long shot.

Charlotte seemed immaculate.

2) “When did this road change?” This bothers me to this day. The city needs to utilize their road signs. The “Do Not Enter” signs are placed in a way that it looks like you can’t enter a one way street that is going in your direction. And larger street signs would not be a miss.

3) “Where’s the fire?” Jeez Charlotte drivers, slow down! This is another one that gets to me. It made me miss Philadelphia drivers. Ever driven in Philadelphia? I shouldn’t miss them.

4) “Public Transportation? Really?” Every morning and afternoon when I drove for an hour to my apartment (about 19 miles away) I would remember the days when I was in college and I took a SEPTA train to and from school. It was nice. It took about 30 minutes, there was no traffic…all I had to do was show up on time. Of course it wasn’t perfect. It was late and trains broke down and there were areas of Philadelphia where it didn’t really go, but it was better than nothing.

5) “I want a zoo.” Ya know? Sometimes you just want to go look at monkeys. I once told someone that the Liberty Bell got boring, but the Philadelphia Zoo never did.

6) “Wow, I feel safe here.” Philadelphia’s crime rate is now breaking records. The newly sworn in Mayor Nutter declared it an emergency. But here, I don’t hear gunshots almost every night and I don’t feel like I need to carry my tazer. Good job.

7) “McCrory seems nice.” When I moved here he was in Esquire and about to break the record for consecutive terms. Former Philadelphia Mayor John Street wasn’t known for his charisma and looks. It was an odd 180.

8 ) “Why are the sports fans so nice?” I don’t think they’d boo Santa Claus or cheer over career ending injuries… weird.

9) “Wawa? I wish.” Anyone who has been to a Wawa knows what I’m talking about.

10) “ I miss my dog.” I would have said that regardless of where I moved.

I’m not sure which city I like more. I’m still testing the waters in Charlotte. We’ll see what happens as I slowly call this place home.

1) Don’t be an idiot. Seriously. They tell you in advance when your exit is. So…get into the right lane. Don’t stay in the left lane until the last minute then fly across two or three lanes to make your exit. If you’re kind of spacey-don’t talk on your phone…maybe turn the radio down a bit, too. If you’re about 5 inches behind a car and you have to slam on your brakes, don’t honk at the car in front of you. You’re the jackass who was about a foot away. 

2) Peer pressure may have gotten you to smoke pot in high school, but it’s not going to get people to speed up. So don’t ride up their ass and flash your high beams. Don’t honk. Don’t furiously speed past them in hopes that they get the hint. If the driver is consistently going a certain speed, they’re going to keep going that speed no matter what you do. So knock it off.

3) Don’t be a jerk when merging. You know your lane is ending. We know your lane is ending. So why drive up to the very end of the lane at the speed of light and force people to let you in? You haven’t saved any time or won any sort of race. You’ve just made people hate you. My fiance once described merging as being a delicate dance, where all the cars work with one another to move from lane to lane without slamming on their brakes or hitting another car. So…learn to dance. If someone has sped up to let you in behind them, don’t speed up more to get in front of them. There’s no shame in merging behind another vehicle. If they’re slowing down to let you in, go in, don’t ignore the offer and speed up to the very end of the lane. And for the love of whatever deity you worship, don’t speed up, cut a driver off, then slam on the brakes. That also makes people hate you. No one likes to let people in, once you do that, there’s one more jerk between you and getting home to lay on the couch and watch law and order reruns. So to the people in the lane already: grit your teeth and just let cars in. To the people trying to get into the lane: don’t be a dick.

4) Turn signals. Use them. In some states, if you don’t use your turn signal and another car hits you, you’re liable. And don’t do that jerk one flash and cut in front of me. Turn on your signal. Let people know your intentions. Mandatory turn signal usage is not an invasion of privacy. It’s a little flick of the wrist. I’ve managed to use my foot to turn on my signal. It’s not hard. So do it. However, remember that turning on your turn signal doesn’t mean you can just merge willy-nilly and run into people. It’s a heads-up so people can slow down accordingly, not a declaration.

5) Let the big dogs win. Semis, buses, delivery trucks…anything that would not sustain structural damage if you hit it…just let them merge. Don’t cut them off. Let them be. On a personal note-if you see a trailer carrying horses, don’t do anything that would cause the driver to swerve or slam on the brakes. They’re towing live animals. Expensive live animals, who are probably already scared of the trailer. So give horse trailers as much space as they need.

6) Can we stop with the middle finger now? Seriously. Do we still need to “flip the bird?” Can we at least pretend that we’ve evolved past that? It just makes other people angry and increases tension on the roadways, this leading to road rage and accidents. Or more assholes.

So basically…use common sense. You had to pass a license exam and presumably take driving lessons, so act like it. When the signs for your exit appear, start moving toward it, don’t wait until the ramp is upon you. Same thing with lanes ending.

Don’t be a daredevil when turning onto roads. It’s better to call yourself a wuss for not going when you could have than to call yourself an idiot for going when you actually couldn’t.

And don’t be a dick. I cannot stress that enough.

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