Who wants to be on a game show…

Comments: 0 - Date: November 2nd, 2009 - Categories: random, Television, Uncategorized

With the economy in a rut and unemployment at record highs, many of you might be eying the game show circuit. Who couldn’t use a couple of extra thousand dollars? But if you’re one of the lucky ones selected, what happens with your prizes? When do you get them? Do you have to pay taxes? Fear not…all will be revealed.

  • Do you find Pat Sajak charming? Are you good with words and word puzzles? Could you figure out this clue:
    Wheel Of Fortune

    Wheel Of Fortune

    Then maybe you’d like to be on Wheel of Fortune. In addition to cash prizes, you can win trips and shopping sprees. Good times. According to their Web site, people can audition at “Wheelmobile” events or fill out a form. However, also according to the site, fewer than 600 people were selected last year to appear on the show.

    If you’re lucky enough to be selected to appear on the show, any cash or prizes will be delivered within 120 days after the airdate of the show. The contestants are responsible for paying state and federal taxes on their winnings.

  • If grab bag trivia is your thing, you may like Who Want to be a Millionaire (yes, it soldiered on without Regis). Like other games, they have in-person auditions and other auditions at the producer’s discretion. There are a bunch of different kinds, from video to ticket holder, but it’s not ongoing. Don’t expect a New York City extravaganza on their dime, though, all contestants have to pay their own way and provide their own accommodations.

    When it comes to actually becoming a millionaire, they get a little rule crazy. If you’re lucky enough to end up in the hot seat and win less than $250,000, it will be awarded to you 30 days after the airdate. If you win $500,000, you’ll receive half of it 30 days after the airdate and the other half will be paid in equal installments over 10 years. It’s the same deal if you win $1 million, but they pay the $750,000 over 20 years. If a contestant wins over $600, they have to fill out a 1099.

  • How are you with naming prices? The Price is Right might be the place to cash in on this skill set. The Price is Right is fairly egalitarian with contestant selection. There are no special tests to take, all you need to be a potential contestant is a ticket to the show. However, you also have to bring two forms of ID. I can’t find anything online about taxes if you win, but I do keep stumbling upon unhappy winners.
  • For many, Jeopardy is the holy grail of game shows. Contestants can take an online test or go to a “Brain bus” event. They hold potential contestants in an active pool for about 18 months. I can’t find what happens if you win, although I read that you have to wait three months. In fact, it seems that contestants aren’t allowed to say how much they actually received of their show winnings (after taxes).

There are tons of shows I didn’t mention. There’s Deal or No Deal, Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?, a lot of new shows on the Game Show Network and other game shows that are popping up all the time.

Be warned, almost every game has a laundry list of rules. Make sure you read them. You can’t be a contestant if you work for the parent companies or know anyone who does. You can’t be a contestant if you’ve been on a different game show and the list goes on and on. Also, they’ll probably make you sign a non-disclosure agreement because you have to wait months before the show airs to tell anyone how you did.

I wouldn’t advise giving up a job hunt or quitting a job for a game show. The odds of getting on are slim and the odds of winning are slimmer. But it’s a fun dream.

I vant to suck your blood…but there are some ground rules.

Comments: 0 - Date: December 7th, 2008 - Categories: editorial, I've noticed..., random, Television, Uncategorized

I feel I must preface this entire entry by saying that I haven’t read Twilight. Nor have I seen the movie. Though I’ve heard a lot about it. And I’m sure I’d like the books, but for now I’m going to rail against them for a bit. But, I won’t be picking on Twilight alone…I have some issues with a lot of new vampire-genre books, tv shows or movies. Vampire laws are different in every single one of them. This must stop. The viewer has to sit there and figure out what vampires can and can’t do in each different story and it’s exhausting. They can go outside in this, but not this. They can eat garlic in this, not that…see what I mean? I’m a helpful person by nature, so here are the new rules. Scriptwriters, authors, comic book writers and anyone else looking to make a vampire story–take heed.

  • FANGS. You have to have them. Otherwise you’re not really a vampire now, are you? You’re really kind of a zombie with higher cognitive functioning and the need for blood instead of brains. The retractable fangs in “True Blood” are fine…though Wolverine-esque and funny at times. But Twilight…grow some fangs. The fangs have to be the canine teeth, too. I’ve seen people do front teeth or molars. No. Canine teeth. It was good enough for Dracula.
  • DAYLIGHT. You can’t go out in it. I was on the fence for a while about making an exception for Blade the daywalker. But after a lot of soul-searching I decided that the “mother was bitten while I was born” story was too convenient and if you make an exception for one vampire (no matter how awesome) it leaves the door open. So a blanket no. The whole “Glittering” thing you’ve got going on is lame Twilight. Hang it up. You’re a creature of the night, so act like it. Deacon, no sunblock is strong enough to block all of the UV. I’m not saying they should combust the minute there’s sunlight. But they should burn. Maybe melt. But definitely burn. I don’t fully understand why sunlight makes them burn up, I’m sure in some cultures it has to do with the evil-light vs. dark thing and in other cultures it’s simply because they’re dead, but it has always made them burn up. So, let’s not deviate 200 years later.
  • VAMPIRE/HUMAN BABIES. Knock that shit off. I know that won’t be popular, so let me explain. I’m not saying you can’t date a vampire, I’m not saying you can’t marry a vampire…but you can’t get pregnant from a vampire. They’re dead. They appear alive, but really they only breathe out of habit. They’re very much dead. There’s just no way they can emit semen. I’m sorry. Being dead means thatnone of your systems work. Reproductive included. But, again–you can date, have sex and marry to your heart’s content. You can even adopt. But a male vampire can’t knock someone up and a female vampire can’t get knocked up.
  • ON BECOMING A VAMPIRE. It seems to me that if a vampire bites you, you’re a vampire. “30 Days of Night” got pretty choosey with this and “True Blood” has some weird process that involves draining blood, replenishing with vampire blood, being buried, then emerging a vampire. I’m sure at some point you have to spin around three times and spit to the East. They didn’t show that part. So let’s simplify that a bit. If a vampire bites you, you’re a vampire. You pass out and wake up a vampire. So, no more biting during sex, “True Blood” and “30 Days of Night,” next time you wipe out a village, you’ll make a village of vampires. So I guess you’ll have to feed, then stake.
  • WEAKNESSES. In “True Blood,” there’s a part in the Show where Vampire Bill explains to Sookie that a lot of weaknesses don’t exist, but vampires spread those rumors so that humans have, misconceptions. That makes a lot of sense. That being said, here are some vampire slayer methods and which ones stay and which ones go.
    • GARLIC: Lame. Let’s drop it. I’m not sure why it worked or what it was supposed to do, so let’s just leave it in the past.
    • SILVER: Stays. Its roots have something do with silver being pure and vampires being evil. I don’t really remember. But regardless, it stays.
    • MIRRORS: Vampires can see themselves in them. They can take pictures, too. I don’t see why not.
    • CROSSES: They don’t work. At least not on vampires. Besides, it’s the faith of the person holding the cross, not the actual cross. Plus, we live in a smaller world now and people worship all sorts of different faiths and it doesn’t seem fair that holding up a cross would repel a vampire, but then not a Star of David or something.
    • STAKES: Drive them through the heart. In the olden days they drove stakes through the hearts of people they believed to be vampires during the day, so that the body would be stuck to the ground when the sun set. In honor of the eastern european villagers, driving a stake through a vampire’s heart will indeed kill said vampire.
  • INVITATIONS: I don’t get why a vampire needs to be invited in to enter someone’s home. But there’s something poetic about it. So…it stays. Plus, if it weren’t a rule, that scene in Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Benny (played by David Arquette) is floating outside of Pike (Luke Perry)’s window and asks to come in, to which Pike says, “You’re floating! C’mon man, get away from here!” wouldn’t exist. And life would be tragic.
  • SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH: Speaking of Benny floating outside of Pike’s window…superhuman strength (i.e. super speed, strength, etc) stays. I mean, you’re the living dead, break the laws of physics.
  • MORPHING INTO ANIMALS: But don’t go overboard breaking the laws of physics. Vampires can’t turn into bats or any other animal. That’s just ridiculous.
And just a few loose ends..it doesn’t make complete sense, but I like the idea of vampires having an ancient language they can speak (like in 30 Days of Night). So if anyone wants to use that, go right ahead. Also, it makes sense that human-vampire relations would be strained. Don’t get too preachy drawing analogies between vampires and homosexuals or other minorities (I’m looking at you, True Blood). Also, it bothers me that no one ever asks the vampires about their histories. Some of these guys became vampires a long time ago and we could learn a lot from them.
So next time you’re writing something with vampires…keep these rules in mind and have fun!

You can do whatever you want on your reality show, just don’t call it love.

Comments: 1 - Date: April 19th, 2008 - Categories: Television

Competitive reality tv shows really make me queasy. Can you really fall in love with someone and have a meaningful relationship when you’re on tv competing with at least 13 other girls or guys. I’m thinking specifically of Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, I Love New York, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila and That’s Amore. I’m sure there are others, but these are the ones that bother me the most.

And here’s what bothers me:

  • Four of the shows on that list have had multiple seasons. Flava Flav is starting his third season of looking for love, Tila Tequila is on her second season, New York had two seasons and Bret Michaels is also on his second season. The Bachelor gets a pass on this point because it’s a different guy each season. But seriously, you’ve picked your girl and it didn’t work out. So you tried again. And again. At one point it has to click that this is not the best way to find a serious companion. 

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  • You are all in this for the money and for the exposure. On Flavor of Love the girls admit that it might help them as an aspiring actress or whatever they want to be. Same thing on Rock of Love. If one of the contestants says they’re looking for a serious mate and a long lasting relationship, they’re full of it. Even the stars of the show, the lonely people just looking for love, are using it for a launch pad. I don’t have a problem with you using the show for publicity, it makes sense. But don’t say you’re looking for love. At the most you’re looking for lust.

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  • Some of these people have become quasi-famous. What the hell is that about? Tila Tequila is this girl who got sort of famous on myspace (she lists herself as a singer, but I don’t buy it) why does she get a show and not Tom or the star wars kid on Youtube. Two of the shows on that list are starring contestants from other shows. I Love New York stars a contestant on Flavor of Love seasons 1 and 2. After being rejected by Flava Flav twice (ouch) VH-1 gave her her own show to find love. That’s Amore stars Domenico Nesci, a reject from A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. He wasn’t even a finalist. He was sent home in Episode 7 (out of 10). DIGRESSION: The best part of this show is that in the confessional room where the girls do their private interviews the background there are slabs of meat. Why would anyone do that? I get that you’re Italian. Stop being such a stereotype. Also, a few contestants from Flavor of Love were then chosen to go to Charm School with Mo’Nique, but they weren’t looking for love, just trying to shape up for money. (END DIGRESSION)

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  • These girls are NUTS. Seriously. Nobody acts like that. Or at least, the majority of us don’t. New York (her real name is Tiffany Pollard, Flava Flav renamed all the girls) needs professional help. She wouldn’t let the other contestants have time with Flava Flav because after a few episodes she was convinced that she was in love and she would spend the rest of her life with him. Even when she came back in the second season after being rejected she was saying this. Plus her mom is way too controlling. Tila Tequila’s need for attention is concerning. Perhaps there’s a little Histrionic Personality Disorder there?

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  • Sloppy seconds GALORE and no one seems to care. Seriously, I’ve seen clips where Bret Michaels is sitting between two girls, will make out with one of them (letting the other girl awkwardly sit there) then turn around and make out with the other one! How are people okay with that? Granted, when you sign up for this show, it’s kind of a given that the person has to pick from 15 people and he’s going to make out with all of them. And…people are okay with this? Ew. Funny story: one girl on Rock of Love, I think the second one, had a cold sore and they all thought it was a herpes outbreak, so Bret brought in a doctor to test it and it was, in fact, a cold sore…but still, unless they’re testing people in the audition process how could you know?
That’s all I can think of, but they just make me feel sleazy in general. Joel McHale asked on the The Soup if you could get a venereal disease from watching a show. 
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ALL OF THAT BEING SAID…in the interest of full disclosure, let me come clean with some hypocrisy. There are some reality shows I love. Namely: Step it Up and Dance, Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model and So You Think You Can Dance?  

I cannot truly explain why I love these shows, but I rationalize it by saying that I love dancing and am interested in fashion and sewing. And then I say something like, “At least they aren’t the trashy ones!” 

Until next time!

 

                                                       –Carolyn

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